You read that right. Wario (and by extension his games) are number one. It’s an opinion I have held my entire life and one that I will continue to hold. For those that haven’t basked in the wonder that is Wario, the man is the antithesis of Mario, consistently seeking to do dastardly deeds whenever he can, especially if money is involved.
He may not have been around as long as Mario, but to some people (mostly me), he’s made just as big an impact. The man with the massive mustache and strong brows is the obvious choice for just about any party game he’s featured in, and I’m about to tell you why.
10 He’s A Positive Role Model
You can’t tell me you don’t take one look at that large glass of chunky water and think to yourself just how much he’s doing to tear down unrealistic beauty standards. My man Wario isn’t the slimmest guy around, but that’s never been a problem, in fact, it might just be a strength.
When all the other male characters were running around showing off superhuman feats and bulging muscles, Wario was there in the background, proving to everyone that Italian beauty comes in all sizes.
9 He’s Breaking The Stigma On Breaking Wind
If there’s one thing absolutely no one will ever agree on, it’s that society needs to be more okay with people letting out the odd toot here and there. Thankfully, our boy Wario has been here for decades, crop-dusting entire Super Smash Bros. levels single-handedly.
It’s healthy to break wind, everyone does it. Wario does it more than most people, but still, everyone does it! No one needs to build up too much of a surplus and let out a mega-fart, Wario’s shown us all just how deadly something like that can be.
8 Look At That Mustache
The heading says it all. Look at that absolutely glorious mustache. Legends say that Burt Reynolds himself once congratulated Wario on out-mustaching him. Don’t quote me on that, it’s just a rumor I heard one time.
I can’t begin to imagine the kind of power and skill that goes into shaping a perfectly jagged mustache. Somehow, there isn’t any kind of mustache that would suit Wario more. It would be great to see him try something different every once in a while, but come on, it’s fantastic.
7 No One Rocks Purple And Yellow Like He Does
Have you ever seen someone try to rock purple and yellow at the same time? There’s a reason that no one in the world can do it without immediately being compared to Wario. Many have tried, but none can do it quite like him.
The two colors are hard for anyone to make look good when they’re put together, but Wario does it effortlessly every time he’s on screen. It’s almost like someone put in the effort to meticulously design his outfit to perfection. Wait a minute…
6 He’s A Quote Machine
Sure, most of Wario’s best quotes are incredibly simple phrases, but that’s what gives them charm. They’re easy to remember not because of simplicity, but because of how Wario delivers the lines. It also helps that he's a walking meme.
Hearing Wario shout “Here I Go!” as he blasts by you in his go-kart will never stop being iconic. Things only get better when he nails his foes with red shells and then laughs about it. He tells it like it is, “Oh yeah, Wario wins” and I could tell he said that with his whole chest.
5 His Puts You In A Winning Mindset
How could you not instantly be in a winning mindset when Wario is on screen? The man is all about getting that money. He’s the clear choice in Mario Party at the very least for that very thing alone. We all know that bonus coin star is a pain.
At the same time, Wario comes across as an underdog. He’s not as fit as the other Mario partiers. He’s not as conventionally attractive as them either, but you know what? Wario’s got heart, and he’s not going to let anyone stand in his way.
4 He’s An Absolute Tank
I don’t know if you’ve realized this about Wario, because you probably haven’t put nearly as much thought into this as I have, but the guy is a beast. Ever notice how in pretty much every Mario game, Wario plays as a power character?
That’s right. Mario may be the hero, but based on stats alone, I’m left to assume Wario could easily beat that plumber in an arm wrestling contest. He could probably even take on Donkey Kong, though that may change if the reason for their fight is due to Wario stealing bananas.
3 He Drives Pristine Vehicles
What does Mario drive? Go-karts, scooters, flying hat-shaped ships, Yoshis? None of that even comes close to the style my man Wario has. If you’ve played some Super Smash Bros. lately, you know that biker Wario has no fear cruising around.
That’s just one of his many fantastic vehicles. The sheer drip that Wario’s kart from Double Dash has is pretty much unmatched by anything else in the entire Mario Kart series. Everyone else is out here having fun while Wario is out here ready to steal all the style points.
2 Have You Seen Him Compete?
I’m not talking about you picking Wario and making him a legend of every sport available. I’m talking about you cranking up the difficulty of the AI players and letting Wario absolutely decimate you at every turn.
We all know how tough a maxed-out computer can be in the various Mario games, and Wario comes out swinging each time. It doesn’t matter if it’s soccer, baseball, or simply avoiding lava, Wario is-a gonna win. At the end of the day, it’s probably best that you don’t compete against Wario. He might just be unstoppable.
1 He Never Gives Up
Like the almighty John Cena, Wario never gives up. Did I just put Wario and modern WWE legend John Cena on the same level? No. Wario transcends even that of a sixteen-time world champion. He may end up losing thanks to the lame technicality that is “the main story” but that won’t stop our mustachio’d anti-hero.
One day, Wario will have his victory over Mario, and that day will come when everyone rises up and begins to choose him first. Through the powers of his jagged mustache, mighty farts, fantastic nose, and impeccable jawline, Wario will always persevere.
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