5 Soulsborne NPCs You Probably Shouldn’t Invite To A Fancy Dinner Party

The Soulsborne games have some truly memorable characters. Some are beloved, and some we remember for the wrong reasons. However, from Demon's Souls to Elden Ring, there are plenty of NPCs that we would love to see more of.

Yet, despite the fact that we would like to see more of them… I probably wouldn't recommend bringing them along for some fine dining. If you do, I can't guarantee the dining will remain fine, so consider this a much-needed warning for a very real issue. Now put on your best-looking armor and let's get eating.

5 Goldmask – Elden Ring

This guy from Elden Ring might be great. Then again, he might not. Brother Corhyn just follows him around and praises the deep thought and contemplative state that Goldmask seems to be in at all times. However, from an outside perspective – this dude is just T-posing or pointing at a big tree.

He has a cool quest and some unique rewards, but he doesn't move and wears very few rags as clothing. Unless you want a guest who plans on staring at the ceiling while simultaneously pointing at a piece of ham, I would say skip this guy on the guest list.

4 Lonely Old Woman – Bloodborne

Don't feel bad about not inviting this one – I know her actual name includes "Lonely", but unless you want her to rave about how terrible you and everyone else is, then she can probably just stay at home.

In Bloodborne, you can bring her to the Cathedral to keep her safe, but you will quickly regret it – so maybe don't bring her anywhere else, especially not a nice little place to eat. It won't have a good ending.

3 Onion Bro – Dark Souls/Dark Souls 3

I know, I know. Look, I love Onion Bro as much as the next person, but I don't think it's a good idea to bring them along to a dinner party. They're polite, they love a good chat and a good meal, and perhaps a toast with some Siegbrau – but there's an issue.

They say you are what you eat, but imagine how Onion Bro is going to feel when the meals include onions. That's family, and it will probably ruin his evening. Don't make the Onion cry.

2 Alexander – Elden Ring

Alexander may be the Onion Bro of Elden Ring, but I think they should also be left out of this very real little party we are planning here. Why? Well, while Onion Bro would worry about onion brethren in the meals, I think Alexander would be distressed to see pottery used to contain gravy and stew.

Plus, Alexander doesn't eat. He just stuffs human bodies and remains into the container that is his body. Probably not the most elegant scene for a fancy restaurant, I would assume. Also, he gets stuck everywhere, so you don't want to be hitting him with a sword just to get him out of his chair at the end of the night.

1 Patches – Any Of Them

Why would you invite him? We all have that love-hate relationship with Patches – he always does wrong by us, and we want to exact revenge, but he always seems to stick around. Whether it's because he has helpful stuff, an important quest, or you just want to glare at him until he does something else, he generally lives past his wrongdoings.

However, that doesn't mean we should bring him along to this banquet. He will steal the food, poison something, or dig a giant hole in the room just so he can kick someone down it before giggling to himself for the rest of the evening. You know, actually, Patches sounds like he could make for an interesting party…

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