Our two humble Pokemon smashers have arrived in Sinnoh, and continue to shamelessly declare each Pokemon’s smashability as they reach the halfway stage. Our Editor-in-Chief Stacey Henley was at one stage winning, but indecisiveness on Pokemon she felt 50/50 over has left our far braver Tabletop Editor Joe Parlock with an 18 smash lead.
Both Stacey and Joe have declared Sinnoh their least favourite region, but will that influence their desire to smash? They’re aiming for at least a 25 percent smash rate, with Stacey currently on a solid 28 percent and Joe on a much safer, or perhaps more embarrassing 32.6 percent.
387 Turtwig
Stacey: Never ever going to pick the first stage of a starter.
Joe: Strong jaw, but still absolutely not. Pass.
388 Grotle
Joe: I think this might be the earliest smash in any generation so far? Either way, Grotle manages to avoid the awkward-teenager phase and just looks like fun. Smash.
Stacey: Interesting, I wondered if I might take an early lead, because I like this scamp’s energy. Also a smash.
389 Torterra
Stacey: Gets a bit much when it evolves though, it’s a pass here.
Joe: Is my Rule of Big going to pull me ahead in Sinnoh too? Torterra is everything good about Grotle, but more. Smash.
390 Chimchar
Joe: I hate this little thing with a passion. Pass.
Stacey: Sinnoh definitely has the worst starters. Also a pass.
391 Monferno
Stacey: No Grotle Effect here. Still a pass.
Joe: This is the most teenager-y of the Sinnoh starters. He’d beg you for Robux and it’d be awful, pass.
392 Infernape
Joe: I hate this entire line. Infernape’s just such a try-hard, pass.
Stacey: No, I see the value here. Not my all-time favourite, but definitely smash-worthy.
393 Piplup
Stacey: A baby penguin. Pass.
Joe: Sinnoh does get out of Babyville eventually, but not here. Pass.
394 Prinplup
Joe: It gives me entitled-Victorian-aristocratic-boy energy. Pass.
Stacey: Also it’s just very ugly. Pass.
395 Empoleon
Stacey: While I see the appeal, it’s just too over-designed and oddly sharp. Passing here.
Joe: Going to surprise everyone and actually pass on Empoleon, specifically because the way his beak juts out over his eyes like a crown weirds me out.
396 Starly
Joe: Tiny bird, and not even as good as Tailow. Pass.
Stacey: Yeah I don’t care for the birds at all really, but Starly is just a little dork. Pass.
397 Staravia
Stacey: However, the line does get better. Staravia sits on my 50/50 line, and I have to start smashing some of them, so it’s a smash here.
Joe: We’re only a handful of Pokemon in and Sinnoh is already wildly overdesigned. These are my least favourite birds so far, big pass.
398 Staraptor
Joe: What is going on with that AFI-ass hair? Pass.
Stacey: I love the emo hair look. Smash me like it’s 2006, baby.
399 Bidoof
Stacey: I mean, obviously not.
Joe: It almost hits the celebrity-smash status of Pikachu, but it’s a beaver. A beaver with offputting teeth and a vacant expression. Pass.
400 Bibarel
Joe: Now this is a beaver I can get into. He has personality, pizazz, and an absolute dump truck. Smash.
Stacey: I knew you were going to smash this, which makes me feel like victory in this game is an impossible task because, obviously again, I’m going to pass.
401 Kricketot
Stacey: Just a lil’ bug dude. Nah. Pass.
Joe: He’s so polite, but it’s a pass.
402 Kricketune
Joe: Kriketune has one of the best cries in the entire series, but I don’t think that’s enough to overcome the everything else going on. Pass.
Stacey: Size matters (whatever your girlfriend tells you, fellas), but I could overlook how teeny this one is because I respect its gentlemanly energy. Smash.
403 Shinx
Stacey: Very cute, but not smash material.
Joe: This feels less cute, and more ‘30-year-old bratty twink’, which is even more socially unacceptable. Pass.
404 Luxio
Joe: If Johto was the land of babies, Sinnoh is the land of the teenagers. Pass, but call me in a few levels.
Stacey: I think you read ‘teenager’ on any Pokemon with a bit of a spiky or sassy attitude. Luxio clears the smash bar and then some.
405 Luxray
Stacey: I think the bulkier, angrier Luxray is a bit of a downgrade, but not enough to dip below that bar. Smash too.
Joe: This one’s spiky and has a sassy attitude, but it’s definitely not a teenager. He’s a smash for sure.
406 Budew
Joe: Nope. Not even going to dignify this with a reason, just pass.
Stacey: Another baby, another pass.
407 Roserade
Stacey: An early contender for Sinnoh’s most smashable? I love this bratty non-binary dominatrix and want them to eviscerate me with their thorns.
Joe: I respect you, and I respect your choice. But Roserade looks like Ellen Degeneres as a Phantom Thief from Persona 5. Pass, but I knew this would be a big win for you.
408 Cranidos
Joe: Wow, I totally forgot Cranidos existed. Pass, this is such a nothing Pokemon.
Stacey: I love Cranidos, mainly from good memories in Pokemon Go, but like Shinx it’s nowhere near smash material.
409 Rampardos
Stacey: This is an over correction from how cute Cranidos is. Hate the skull and the recklessly sharp mouth, so I’m out.
Joe: I love the smug energy, but the skull is a big letdown. Pass.
410 Shieldon
Joe: I know I’ve historically liked a strong brow, but this is ridiculous. Pass.
Stacey: Yeah, while I admire Cranidos, I feel nothing for its cousin. Pass.
411 Bastiodon
Stacey: And then it just gets kinda stupid. Also pass.
Joe: Oh, this one’s an easy smash. He’s serving kind, blue-collar kinda-uncle-but-not-gross-just-go-with-it home from a long day of work at the construction site. Smash for sure.
412 Burmy
Joe: I forgot how much of a visceral reaction I have to Burmy. I hate it so much, it’s disgusting. Pass.
Stacey: I don’t particularly hate it, but there’s nothing smashable here.
413 Wormadam
Stacey: Same story. Another dull entry in the Sinnoh canon.
Joe: I think Stacey’s time to shine might be coming. I’m only mentioning this because the alternative is thinking about Wormadam, something I refuse to do. Pass, let’s move on.
414 Mothim
Joe: After two trips to the Nightmare Factory, Mothim feels like a goddamn supermodel. But it’s still a weird moth-thing, so it’s a pass. Big glow-up, though.
Stacey: Agree with sentences one and three. Two is where we part ways: Mothim, like Butterfree, Beautifly, and Dustox before it, is an easy smash. Guess who just discovered a new thing about themselves?
415 Combee
Stacey: Small and confusing. Don’t get it. Pass.
Joe: I don’t want to mess up their polycule’s dynamic, pass.
416 Vespiquen
Joe: Smash, let’s get that out the way. Take it away, Stacey…
Stacey: Vespiquen is a gorgeous queen who could rip you to pieces. Definitely an acquired taste, but she’s one of Sinnoh’s most exciting and most obvious smashes.
417 Pachirisu
Stacey: What if Pikachu were a squirrel. I wouldn’t smash it, that’s what. Pass.
Joe: Of all the Pika-clones, this one feels most like just self-plagiarism. Pass.
418 Buizel
Joe: A rare base-stage smash that’ll get even better with time. Buizel’s an icon.
Stacey: I don’t see it here, just a little too reedy and eager. However…
419 Floatzel
Stacey: Once Buizel evolves, I see the loveable (and smashable) potential of this line come to life.
Joe: If Floatzel was my pool’s lifeguard, I’d conveniently forget how to swim just so he could save me. Gorgeous Baywatch-looking otter? Sign me up.
420 Cherubi
Joe: It being a berry aside, it’s got the Girafarig problem of not quite knowing what that other head is up to. Is it alive?
Stacey: The second head is less troublesome than the fact it’s just two little cherries and why should I care. Pass.
421 Cherrim
Stacey: Most people think of Overcast Cherrim as the true Cherrim, and it’s true that I would pass if that were the only option. But Sunshine Cherrim has Bellossom energy, so we’re back smashing.
Joe: It’s still just a small plant-child for me, sorry. Pass.
422 Shellos
Joe: Gooey Lapras with rubbish hair, no thanks. Pass.
Stacey: Yeah just a little bit gross this one, isn’t it? Pass.
423 Gastrodon
Stacey: And then it only gets worse. Still a pass.
Joe: If this thing was Lapras-sized, I could almost go for it. I bet it feels great, after all. But as it’s less than a metre tall, it’s just a weird slug-thing with too many eyes. Pass.
424 Ambipom
Joe: I know I said I’d be waiting for Ambipom way back in Johto, but now that we’re here and I’m confronted with it, it’s pretty awful. I hate the fringe, the weirdly swollen hands, the nose… I can’t go through with it, sorry. Pass.
Stacey: Always hated it and always will. An easy pass.
425 Drifloon
Stacey: A balloon and also a child predator. No thanks.
Joe: Shockingly, I don’t want to smash the hot-air balloon ghost. I know, right? Pass.
426 Drifblim
Joe: I still don’t want to smash the hot-air balloon ghost. Pass.
Stacey: If I had to I’d pick this one, but I don’t. Pass.
427 Buneary
Stacey: Not yet. Pass.
Joe: It’s very, very cute, but still a pass.
428 Lopunny
Joe: I’m gay, which oddly feels like good enough reason to pass on Lopunny.
Stacey: I mean, come on. Obviously I’m going to smash Lopunny, or more accurately, she will smash me until there’s nothing left.
429 Mismagius
Stacey: I adore Mismagius almost as much as Lopunny. Hey, maybe I don’t hate Sinnoh. Anyway, smash.
Joe: It’s a dry season, and Mismagius just doesn’t do it for me. Pass.
430 Honchkrow
Joe: Finally, I’m back in the game! Really easy smash on Honchcrow, Mafia-esque aesthetics are so hot, and this is a big ol’ bird to go with it. Perfect, and the easiest smash of Sinnoh so far.
Stacey: It’s just too bulky and weird, and the bird thing doesn’t help. Pass.
431 Glameow
Stacey: Sinnoh taketh away, Sinnoh giveth. It’s a little too scrawny, but Glameow’s glamorously pretentious posture makes it a smash.
Joe: Glameow feels like it’s trying and failing to match Persian’s energy. It’s a poser, and I’m passing.
432 Purugly
Joe: Whoever decided Purugly is ugly is a fool. Not a smash, but I will vigorously defend this queen.
Stacey: I agree that ‘ugly’ doesn’t really fit, but not that it dips below smashable. I like her figure. Smash.
433 Chingling
Stacey: Baby wind chimes. Of course not.
Joe: Have you ever seen one open its mouth? Hard pass, and please never make me look at it again.
434 Stunky
Joe: If its face wasn’t an ass, I’d get it. But its face is an ass, and that’s something we can’t overlook. Pass.
Stacey: Deliberately designed to be the most passable Pokemon in Sinnoh.
435 Skuntank
Stacey: I’ve got to be honest, the smell thing doesn’t put me off. But the overall design is just a bit stupid. Pass.
Joe: Design-wise, Skuntank is a massive improvement on assface, better incorporating those cheeks into the head. I even like the tail being used as the quiff. But the smell thing really does put me off, so it’s a pass.
436 Bronzor
Joe: It’s a manhole cover, which is not something I’ve ever considered smashing and am not going to start now.
Stacey: Yeah quite a few of the Steel-types just leave me wondering ‘how’?
437 Bronzong
Stacey: See above.
Joe: Bronzong doesn’t ring my bell. Pass.
438 Bonsly
Joe: Welcome back to Babyville! Leave your passes with the driver, and we’ll get through this quickly!
Stacey: Oh damn there really are a lot here. Pass.
439 Mime Jr.
Stacey: I mean come on. Also pass.
Joe: A big improvement on Mr. Mime, but it’s a baby. Pass.
440 Happiny
Joe: Pass for both being a baby and that weird Jazzercise hair.
Stacey: Mainly it’s the baby thing. I mean, that’s the real dealbreaker.
441 Chatot
Stacey: Not a baby, but kind of feels like one? Pass.
Joe: Chatot is peak bird design, but not hot. Pass.
442 Spiritomb
Joe: I think this is one of those rare Pokemon I’d smash more out of curiosity than actual desire. I want to know how it works.
Stacey: This is a role reversal, but I usually feel that way but feel nothing for Spiritomb.
443 Gible
Stacey: Whisper it, but I don’t really like this line at all. Pass.
Joe: This line is very overrated and you shouldn’t be afraid to say it, also pass.
444 Gabite
Joe: Gabite is the strongest contender of the line. I like its energy, but there are better things coming so I can still afford to have standards. Pass.
Stacey: Oh good, we all hate this line here. Well, if not hate, then at least we don’t want to smash it. Pass.
445 Garchomp
Stacey: I am free of this line. Pass.
Joe: Overdesigned once again, pass.
446 Munchlax
Joe: You’re dad’s hotter, pass.
Stacey: Back to babies, back to passing.
447 Riolu
Stacey: As above. Again.
Joe: Now departing Babyville, thank you for not smashing.
448 Lucario
Joe: We wouldn’t be self-respecting Pokesmashers if we didn’t go all-in on Lucario. This is the most famously smashable Pokemon this side of Vaporeon, how could we not? Smash.
Stacey: Lucario is not my absolute favourite Pokemon this Gen, but it is objectively the most smashable, so sign me up.
449 Hippopotas
Stacey: Not here though. Gross.
Joe: Like Kriketune, I love the cry. I don’t love the gross eyes sticking out the top. Pass.
450 Hippowdon
Joe: Fine, yes, I’ll smash the big hippo, and I’m proud of it. It’ll kill me, and I’ll die happy.
Stacey: You should not be. A clear pass.
451 Skorupi
Stacey: Had to think harder than I thought I would, but ultimately it’s a pass.
Joe: I totally get where you’re coming from. Also a pass, and I also had to put a disturbing amount of thought into it.
452 Drapion
Joe: Skorupi wore me down, I can’t refuse Drapion. Smash me up, scary scorpion man.
Stacey: This feels like too much of an over-correction on a Pokemon that was almost there. Ya ruined it. Pass.
453 Croagunk
Stacey: Okay I think we’re just being silly now. Pass.
Joe: I smashed Parasect for the stoner energy. I smashed Ludicolo for the stoner energy. I’m smashing Croagunk for the stoner energy.
454 Toxicroak
Joe: Toxicroak feels like it was designed to be hot to someone somewhere, but that person isn’t me. Pass.
Stacey: A huge upgrade on Croagunk but not quite enough. Still a pass.
455 Carnivine
Stacey: Look, I like the plants. I know it’s goofy and not all that safe, but I’m still smashing.
Joe: I’m glad Carnivine got at least one smash, they deserve it. It also means I can pass guilt-free.
456 Finneon
Joe: A pretty fish, but a fish nonetheless. Pass.
Stacey: Very pretty, but just a little small and generic. Pass.
457 Lumineon
Stacey: And lo, those flaws were fixed. Smash.
Joe: Really? I’m not judging, but really? Pass.
458 Mantyke
Joe: Who let this baby out of Babyville? Pass, but we’re coming up to a nice, big run of smashes soon.
Stacey: Dang babies. Pass.
459 Snover
Stacey: As fun as ‘bend over Snover’ would be fun to say, this is a pass.
Joe: I always thought Snover looks like the mascot for a holiday park or something. Pass.
460 Abomasnow
Joe: Here we go, here we go, here we bloody go, time for Smash Central, starting with the actual Abominable Snowman. Easy-peasy smash.
Stacey: Obviously a Joe smash, but I don’t see it here. Pass.
461 Weavile
Stacey: This is more like it. Something compelling and sharp about it. Smash.
Joe: The highlight of this line, Weavile is a sassy, sexy smash.
462 Magnezone
Joe: Rule Of Big also applies to magnets, apparently. I couldn’t quite work out Magneton, but for Magnezone I’m willing to try. Smash.
Stacey: After smashing Magneton, I think I’m safe to pass here.
463 Lickilicky
Stacey: You can’t sign up for a project like this and then pass on Lickilicky. A smash for sure.
Joe: Lickilicky is a total Queen. Maybe a little bit of hard work, but that tongue more than makes up for it. Easy smash.
464 Rhyperior
Joe: Of course this one’s a smash too. Rhydon was hot, Rhyperior’s hotter.
Stacey: No, this is a downgrade from Rhydon, and one that takes it into Pass City.
465 Tangrowth
Stacey: Again, the original was better. Pass.
Joe: Tangrowth just looks comfortable. I want to lie on it and sink into those vines, so it’s a smash with plenty of cuddling after.
466 Electivire
Joe: My second-favourite pokemon after Porygon? And one that I can actually smash? Hell yes, Electivire is perfect. Big, fuzzy, impeccable mutton chops, give me that Sugar Puffs Honey Monster please. Smash smash smash.
Stacey: Losing a lot of ground with this run of ugly, bulky evolutions. Another pass.
467 Magmortar
Stacey: Once again, as above.
Joe: The streak comes to an end with this gross, duck-billed easter-egg-looking, Guy Fieri nightmare. Rule of Big only goes so far, and Magmortar just ain’t it. Pass.
468 Togekiss
Joe: Even if it objectively looks more like an easter egg than Magmortar, Togekiss is a smash.
Stacey: Yeah I’m back in business with Togekiss, a straightforward smash.
469 Yanmega
Stacey: I was tempted by Yanma, but just like Skorupi, this takes the evolution too far and now it’s big and ugly. Pass.
Joe: Aww, he’s not ugly! He’s not a smash because he’s just a massive dragonfly, but ugly is a bit harsh!
470 Leafeon
Joe: The worst Eeveelution by far. Pass.
Stacey: It’s my least favourite overall, but the only Eeveelution I’ve passed on is Jolty because of the spikes everywhere. Leafeon has no spikes, so I have no problems. Smash.
471 Glaceon
Stacey: Less tempting than Leafeon with the chilliness, but still a smash.
Joe: If Norweigan singer Aurora was a Pokemon, it’d be Glaceon. That has no sway on my decision to pass, I just needed to verbalise that thought.
472 Gliscor
Joe: One of the biggest surprises from this whole exercise was discovering our mutual love of Gligar. Gliscor is a better Gligar, with the perfect mix of scariness and raw sex appeal. Easy smash, and I really hope you agree.
Stacey: I disagree that it’s an upgrade of Gligar, but I still easily find Gliscor to be smashable. The eyes and wings aren’t quite as perfect as Gliggy, but that won’t stop me.
473 Mamoswine
Stacey: No. Too big.
Joe: Too big. Yes.
474 Porygon-Z
Joe: This one feels unethical, Porygon-Z clearly isn’t alright. Pass.
Stacey: I think that’s just its mating call. It’s still a little too weird though, so pass it is.
475 Gallade
Stacey: Not as good as Gardevoir, but still a simple smash call here.
Joe: I don’t like the weird disc hips it has going on, pass.
476 Probopass
Joe: I’ll avoid the obvious joke this time, but Probopass is a pass. The moustache sweeps on the floor, it can’t possibly be anything but gross.
Stacey: More jokes for me: ProboPASS.
477 Dusknoir
Stacey: Weird Shin Megami Tensei thing. No.
Joe: If you won’t take the chunky ghost daddy, I will. Incredibly simple smash.
478 Froslass
Joe: Not for me, this whole line is creepy.
Stacey: Absolutely for me, the lore only makes it more alluring. A gorgeous Pokemon.
479 Rotom
Stacey: No. I don’t care that ‘oh what if it was…’. No. It’s odd.
Joe: Way to kill my joke before I could make it. I hate how Rotom is absolutely everywhere now. Rotom Phones, Rotom Dex, Rotom Rotom Rotom. Pass, and Nintendo needs to get over it too.
480 Uxie
Joe: After three generations of smashable legendaries, we’re at the baby trio. Pass.
Stacey: Yeah, I think these could be smashable with a slight redesign (although not this sleepyhead). Right now though, they’re all babies.
481 Mesprit
Stacey: Babies. No.
Joe: Babies, babies everywhere, and not a ‘mon to smash.
482 Azelf
Joe: Come on, give us some adult pokemon! Pass.
Stacey: Bay. Bee. No.
483 Dialga
Stacey: This one is not a baby, but it is a huge Digimon. Pass.
Joe: Sinnoh really stinks for its legendaries, pass.
484 Palkia
Joe: I think Palkia is a lot more smashable than Dialga in its base form. If I had to smash one, it’d be this. But I don’t, so I won’t.
Stacey: I think if I had to, it would be Dialga, but again, I don’t. Pass.
485 Heatran
Stacey: Oh, just supremely stupid for a Legendary. No chance.
Joe: This hardly qualifies as a Pokemon, let alone a legendary. Pass.
486 Regigigas
Joe: I smashed all three of the Hoenn Regis, so I’m coming for the big one. Smash.
Stacey: I picked Regice just to have picked one, so I can excuse myself from this beast.
487 Giratina
Stacey: Like a slug who crawled through a pile of staples. Not now, not ever.
Joe: Altered Forme is a smash. He is a sturdy boy and ‘ruler of all antimatter’ is peak Emo. Origin Forme is, as Stacey said, just a slug. Pass.
488 Cresselia
Joe: This design is just awful. It’s meant to be like the moon, but it just looks like it’s wearing bananas on its head. Pass.
Stacey: Finally we have a smashable Pokemon in Sinnoh. That’s what you meant to say, right? Easy smash.
489 Phione
Stacey: More babies. Hooray. Pass.
Joe: I’ve never been sure if Phione counts as a legendary or mythical or what. It’s a baby, it’s confusing, and it makes me feel insecure about my Pokemon knowledge. Pass.
490 Manaphy
Joe: The same applies to Manaphy as it did to Phione. Pass, and never make me question myself again.
Stacey: Still too much of a baby.
491 Darkrai
Stacey: I would understand this one, but it’s trying a little too hard. Pass.
Joe: For the same Emo-tastical reasons as Giratina, I’m smashing. It also somehow makes the big, detached jaw work for it.
492 Shaymin
Joe: It’s a hedgehog and/or a deer. Mythical guardian of the forest or whatever it’s meant to be, sure, but it’s still a tiny hedgehog.
Stacey: I love Shaymin. But yet again, it’s a baby.
493 Arceus
Stacey: You gotta smash god. You just gotta.
Joe: You’d think the god of all Pokemon would make itself more of a looker. If we were going purely on the bod, it’d be a pass. But smashing an omnipotent creator of the universe? You absolutely have to at least once.
Final Score
Stacey: 29/107 = 27.1 percent (overall total 137/493 = 27.8 percent)
Joe: 26/107 = 24.3 percent – the first failure of the smash or pass lists (overall total 152/493 = 30.8 percent)
A late surge for the bulkiest evolutions saw Joe cut Stacey’s Sinnoh lead down to keep his overall lead, now at 15 down from 18. It’s a small recovery for Stacey, and at one point Sinnoh looked to be the place where she made a serious dent. More importantly though, Joe’s distaste for Sinnoh leaves him one Pokemon short of passing, the punishment for which is… nothing. He does this of his own free will, so there’s nothing you can really do to make his life worse. Next week, we’ll do it Unova again.
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