We have some questions after seeing Wario shirtless

Wario goes topless in the upcoming Mario and Sonic at the Tokyo Olympic Games 2020. A screenshot shows Dr. Eggman and Wario standing on the winners podium, shirtless, wearing skin-tight jammers. Dr. Eggman looks like his same old, pear-shaped self, but we have some concerns about Wario.

It’s not that we want Wario to feel bad about himself, but we just have a couple questions. For one, how does a thick-mustached, bellissmo son-of-a-mamma like Wario have no stomach hair? Second, and perhaps more importantly, where are Wario’s nipples?

This isn’t the first time Mario and Sonic at the Tokyo Olympic Games has raised questions related to swimwear. Why, just this summer, Polygon asked why Sonic couldn’t ride his surfboard barefoot. Now, we have a nipple-less Wario. It seems that there is no happy middle.

It is 2019 and this isn’t Nintendo’s first time designing a shirtless Mario franchise character. Mario could go shirtless in Super Mario Odyssey. Again, like now, the shirtless character shook fans everywhere, except that time, it was because Mario had nipples. In response to the online hysteria, Polygon’s Julia Alexander posed a hypothetical question: wouldn’t it be weirder if he didn’t have nipples?

Today, we can finally answer definitively, yes. It is weirder, and people are not OK with it.

A closeup shows that Wario with two faint areolae, but no nipples protruding from them.

We will never understand why Wario doesn’t have nipples, but at least fans came up with a somewhat suitable explanation for the Dr. Eggman’s and Wario’s baby-chested bareness.

Look, Nintendo, it’s just … you’re begging for trouble when you put two shirtless characters next to each other and one has nipples while the other doesn’t.

If a clean-shaven man is your idea of a good time, Mario and Sonic at the Tokyo Olympic Games 2020 comes to Nintendo Switch in 2020.

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