Lady Dimitrescu was the biggest breakout star of 2021. Before Maggie Robertson picked up the Best Performance gong at The Game Awards, before we even knew that Robertson was playing her, and before any of us had gotten our hands on the game, Lady Dimitrescu was already an icon. People liked the big tall mommy. 'Step on me' went mainstream. That she was only in the game for the first quarter didn't matter – she was 2021's biggest hit. As we look ahead to 2022, it's time to speculate on which game will give us our next Lady Dimitrescu.
A key thing with Lady Dimitrescu was that we were all in on the joke. 'Step on me mommy' as an idea emerged from queer spaces, and while straight men certainly enjoyed Lady Dimitrescu, she was not invented, as some video game characters are, solely for them. With her penchant for fashion, make-up, and protecting her daughters, she was not an object of raw sexualisation, but a more rounded character that we all agreed should have the right to shove her foot down on her face. This is not about which video game will have the sexiest characters in 2022, but specifically which ones are most likely to make us all say 'step on me, mommy'?
We have all seen the big lady in the Elden Ring trailer, and with the game coming out so soon – avoiding any further delay, of course – it's the most likely contender to eclipse Lady D. However, I don't think it's the (jumping) horse to bet on. Lady Dimitrescu did not become an icon merely because of her size. She has Big Lady Energy. That she's nine feet still helps, but it's not size alone. Ariana Grande and Lady Gaga, both five feet and change, exude Big Lady Energy. Nicole Kidman, five foot eleven but much more refined and withdrawn, does not.
Elden Ring, for all the furore, will not have the cultural penetration of Resident Evil Village because it will simply be too hard. Considering FromSoftware games tend to prefer to tell their stories slowly through hidden lore and whispers in the shadows, Elden Ring's Big Lady won't get the chance to shine the way Lady Dimitrescu did. She may yet prove me wrong, but when we're ruminating on Elden Ring at this time next year, I don't think the step on me mommy factor will come into it much.
Destiny 2: The Witch Queen
You're on your own with this one. We worked out that Lady Dimitrescu would almost certainly crush you to death if she actually stepped on you – with her whole body weight, at least – and Destiny has gone even bigger. The much anticipated Witch Queen expansion for Destiny 2 has a leading villain who clocks in at 21 feet tall – more than double Lady Dimitrescu. She's so big I couldn't leave her off this list, but I can definitely leave her off my face. Thanks.
Horizon Forbidden West
A dark horse in this race. Aloy herself is well established and her buff abs will definitely be plastered over several sapphic fan accounts in the few weeks after the game is launched, but she herself will not be the game's mommy. If Talanah gets a bigger role, or if a new, strong, powerful, muscular, toned, big… okay you get the idea. Horizon Forbidden West will mainly be about Aloy's journey, but it's not outside the realms of possibility that another woman could feature as a NPC or villain and step her way into our hearts and onto our faces.
Suicide Squad: Kill The Justice League
Here's a fun fact: my face can be adapted in an emergency to become Harley Quinn's doormat. Unlike Elden Ring and HFW, Suicide Squad's Lady D challenger is a known entity. That could yet work for her or against her. Many will head into the game already a fan of Harley (me), or may even be picking the game up solely to play as Harley (also me). A lot of people will be boot up Suicide Squad: Kill The Justice League already prepared to let Harley Quinn boot up their face (do I need to keep doing this bit?). However, this version of Harley faces tough competition from Margot Robbie's interpretation, Kaley Cuoco's interpretation, Tara Strong's interpretation, and Arleen Sorkin's interpretation. It may very well be that KTJL's Harley is, in many people's eyes, not the real Harley, and that may result in invitations for her shoes to be driven firmly down into our collective chests to be minimal.
I could copy and paste a lot of what I wrote above for Catwoman here, except we don't play as Catwoman in Gotham Knights and we don't even know what she looks like. The problem with Catwoman is she's too easy to oversexualise, moving way beyond mommy territory into simply becoming a plaything for straight men to ogle. Keep the faith.
I mean, right? The only problem with this is a) a 2022 launch feels dicey and b) much like Harley Quinn, Bayonetta is not short of fans prepared to play Walter Raleigh's cape for her royal boots. Slightly foolish considering her boots are guns, but then what is life without a little risk?
There's also the rumour that the character we see in the trailer is not actually Bayonetta herself, meaning the queen may yet return in a new form to step on us all.
Pokemon Gen 9
Long-time readers of mine will be rolling their eyes at this, bracing themselves for the suggestion that Tsareena is the one true 'step on me' mommy. Please, give me some credit. Yes, I will be making Tsareena my companion Pokemon in Legends Arceus so she follows me, and yes, I may carelessly and flirtatiously fall at her feet, but I know even in the realm of internet weirdos who make memes about being stepped on, there are limits.
I don't think Legends Arceus will offer anything of value in the Lady Dimitrescu stakes. It may, as New Pokemon Snap's Professor Mirror did, offer a handsome bear daddy, but that's a conversation for another day. Gen 9, whenever it arrives, and whatever country it's set in, will likely have a gym leader or professor the internet goes wild for, as well as even more Pokemon for the artists to immediately get weird with. Ain't the internet grand?
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